LONGTIME TOASTER
The word 'toaster' may be grammatically wrong in this context, but according to Nigerian English {please excuse our English}, toaster or chyker is a noun used to describe a man wooing a woman with the intent to marry or begin a romantic relationship with her.
Happy New Year to you! Can you believe it's the tenth day already? Like wow! I hope you’ve all got plans on how to make 2019 a
more productive year? I wish you the very best ❤❤
There's something that has been on my mind for a while now, hence this post. I sort of need help understanding why a toaster remains on a lady’s
case for a long time. And how is it that being in a relationship, engaged or married isn't even enough reason to keep some stubborn toasters away?
1) How do you deal
with a man who has been wooing you for a really long time? In some cases, years.
2) What do you do when a toaster (who sometimes is a 'nice guy') persistently remains on your case in spite of how not-so-nice you've been to him?
3) What do you do about a man whom you've never felt any spark for no matter how much he tries or, how hard you have tried?
I've seen cases whereby the woman has given the relationship a 'trial' yet she still can't fully connect with the man. More like she is only in the relationship out of gratitude for what he has done for her or out of sympathy e.g a young woman who has had a suitor support she and her family.
Yes I’m sure we've must have read or heard about people (our parents maybe) who had no spark from the beginning but later fell in love, but how likely is that in this age and time where divorce rate is on the increase, people are less tolerant and there are a lot of movements flying around? Is it really worth risking?
To the men;
1) How and why is it that
you keep asking a lady out even though she has turned you down repeatedly?
2) Is
it that you are somehow convinced she’s the one for you?
3) Or do you just consider the whole toasting thing a sport? You know, some activity to be engaged in for pleasure?
Like seriously, why would anyone keep going back to a place where he has been rejected and most likely insulted and/or treated badly? Love?
Another question to the men;
4) Is it possible that through out the chyking period, you did not approach another woman? Or you only go back to her because it didn't work out with someone else?
5) Could it be that you do not want to accept that
you failed in getting that particular love interest of yours?
Do you believe in SOULMATES? If yes, how do you recognize your soulmate? Are we to work on being someone's soulmate or it just happens, you know?
Do you have answer(s) to any of these questions? Please feel free to share your story/experience/view below.
P.S: I will be compiling some
of your stories and answers (anonymously) in a video for my YouTube channel soonest, but in the meantime, you
can check some of my previous videos here
These questions are deep.
ReplyDeleteI agree... LOL. See why i seek answers?
DeleteLadies have a funny way of saying no that won't determine whether or not she wants you to be persistent or really stop the chase.
ReplyDeleteEspecially when they are in their forming period
2. Nope u don't just choose what's meant for you as a guy
Choose what comes your way,
The tables have turned.
3. The pleasure of attraction can keep a man coming for eVr as long as the cake as not been tasted .
4. The chyk or psych period is for more than one girl. At most 3.
5. No need for all that , some men are proudly pompous .
Your soul mate gets attracted to you and stays without you worrying about whether or not u want to keep them or study them.
I think I agree with your first point. I find no. 4 particularly enlightening.
DeleteThanks much for contributing Koshemany.
Guys Persistence may be due to the fact that they thinks on the long run the girl can actually still fell somethibg for him and sometimes because they think they have a future with the opposite sex...
ReplyDeleteA soulmate as I've once read does not just exist in relationships; it can actually be in friendships too. i.e a friend can be your soulmate
Hmm... maybe.
DeleteReally? Soulmate in friendships? This is the first time I'm hearing that.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us.
1. You never stop loving a person because they don't want you, I'm using the word love because the person would have taken time to know the lady/girl and no matter what the lady/girl does, the love won't diminish, it can hibernate tho, after series of failed attempts and only needs to see or hear the person speak and the whole thing comes back, the reasons for the deep affection come back to memory and the cycle begins again.
ReplyDeleteDoes that mean when one marries or moves on into a serious relationship, there will still be an iota of feelings for a previous toastee/chykee?
DeleteThanks for your contribution Mr Shay my friend! Bless up!!
DeleteWifey. For me, persistence is key. In fact, it is for both parties. A woman thrives in the fact that a man keeps coming over to ask her out. The character of the individuals matters a lot. Some keep chyking to prove a point that they can get the girl. After that, matter don finish. A man with good character can keep chyking the same girl and avoid chyking other girls in the same period till he gets the one he wants and keep her. I have done this. Matter for this topic long gan.
ReplyDeleteLOL... I also think women like been chased but sometimes they really mean it when they tell a man to back off.
DeleteChyking just one girl for years? You are a different breed then. I'd like to read more about the matter tho *wink*
As much as so many do it for the wrong reasons, some may be for good. A friend once told me about a lady who told him she would have preferred she married him instead of the person she eventually married. When he blames her for not accepting his proposal, when he did, she told him he would have just persisted a little longer.
ReplyDeleteMy take is that it's, sometimes, good to persist if you really want the person. But also know when to move on.
Ouch... that's a somewhat sad story.
DeleteGood point! Thanks much for sharing Ibk.
Some guys might have a woman, but will still toast another lady just to check if his toasting skills are still tight. Most guys persist because they hate hearing no for an answer, and some persist because they believe in a Yoruba adage that says "Omo ti won tori e nomi ni ma pada fe" which means "I will get the approval of the lady for whom I was chastised". But most guys can't just stop having that feeling for the lady they are asking out, the more they fight it, the bigger it grows.
ReplyDeleteHmm... this is deep, I like the angle you took. Thanks Dajose for sharing from your wealth of knowledge?
DeleteThis is a really good one tbh it got me thinking bout some stuff.
ReplyDeleteNo answers from me but it was really good reading and thinking bout this.
Keep it up darling ♥️
LOL... I'm glad it got you thinking. Thanks much for reading & commenting Rjay.
Delete