GREATEST FEELINGS IN THE WORLD

WARNING! You may find part(s) of this post gross. No apologies.

Itchy Ears: Be it with cotton bud, Bic biro cover, pen ink straw, matchstick, tail comb, feather, whatever good or bad tool you use to ease this tingle, it is unarguably one of the bestest feelings in the world! You know this, need I say more?

Itchy butthole: I always try my best to hold off scratching in public until I get home. If the urge is however too strong, there’s this thing I do with my mind and fingers; I picture myself already at home and start to move my fingers in scratching motions. It works; but for a short while. Talk about the power of imagination.

But as soon as I get home, I rush to the bathroom, wash my hands with soap, and get down to business. Oh, how I scratch till I can almost feel a peel, all the while closing my eyes. Then I bring the hand close to my nose to inhale that disgusting sweaty-butthole smell before washing and rinsing my behind gently with cool water. *Excuse you, don’t act like you’ve never done that before!*

Runny stomach: Just imagine you’re travelling by road and all of a sudden, your tummy makes a rumbling noise. You ignore. Few minutes later, the rumbling wouldn’t stop no matter how much you will it to. You start to break out in sweat, first on your forehead, brows, and then armpit. You drop a ‘bomb’ and everyone has their nostrils covered, you join them, asking who farted. You start to beg whoever you worship to please help you hold it back till you arrive at your destination. You feel relieved.
Suddenly, without warning, the rumbling becomes louder and you look to your left and right to check if anyone heard the sound. The sweat is back and you feel really pressed to fart but you know if you do that, it’s going to be a spray of brown semi-solid substance soiling your underwear and the stench that fills the vehicle.

“Driver abeg stop, I wan ease myself” you finally call out. Some peeps in the vehicle mumble and the driver ask if you can hold it till he gets to the next filling station. Your stomach rumbles louder this time. You shout at the driver to stop. Everyone is quiet for a split second and you softly request that the driver park by the bush. You barely wait for the vehicle to halt before jumping out, someone calls you back and hands you a sachet of water, another offers you toilet paper. You rush off to the bush forgetting to thank them.

You squat and let it all out; no holding back.

‘Hmmm…’ You heave a sigh of relief, grateful this brown substance spiraling out of your anus had not succeeded in disgracing your ancestors and descendants. Hallelujah!

By the way, am I the only one who gets a slight peppery feeling in my shit-hole afterwards? 😁

Ijebu garri with ice block on a sunny afternoon: This feels like heaven on earth. I’m afraid that like with itchy ears, if I say too much, I’ll ruin the heavenly feeling this life-saver brings. Do you agree?

First bite of a meal you been craving: Ever heard of the word FOODGASM before? It is the pleasurable sensation you get from sighting, tasting or savoring a great meal. Pizza and yummy spaghetti does this to me every single time. 

Pulling off your heels after long hours: You have to be a lady to really understand this feeling. After long hours of walking around, dancing or parading in ‘em crazy high heels, pulling them off and placing your feet on a soft furry rug or on bare floor just makes you tilt your head heavenwards then sideways with the feeling of, ‘awww… victory.’ Getting a foot massage immediately just takes you to another realm entirely.

Hot pee in the bathroom: Before you pour the first bowl of water on your body or turn on the shower, there’s this hot pee that comes out as though it’s been waiting for that moment all night long. It comes out of its own accord, rushing down your thighs, down to your legs before finally splashing on the floor… gosh! Oh and that tiny pee that comes out after a bath, damn!!!

Are you too prim and proper that you would rather pee in the toilet than enjoy this feeling? I don’t know mehn, I honestly feel bad for you because YOU ARE MISSING! *screaming it at the top of my lungs* Although, I have no idea if men experience anything like this. Do you?

P.S: Did anyone ever hiss to call out your pee as a child? I still hiss to call out mine till date, especially after having a bath. The feeling is crazily awesome… LOL.

Is there any other feeling(s) you think I missed out? Please share in the comment section. 

Photo Credit: Getty Images